Intimacy

What is Intimacy?

What comes into mind when you hear intimacy?  A romantic date? Dinner by candle light?  A walk by the beach at sunset?  A very warm conversation?  Sex?  The answer can be all of the above.  


I define intimacy as physical, emotional and spiritual connection between my partner and me.  It doesn't always have to be physical to be able to connect to ones partner.  It's not just in mere sex that you can feel the connection.  A touch or perhaps a hug on your partner can sometimes make him feel secure and at ease.  A conversation of how ones day can make the other feel your concern.


Over the years that I am with my husband of almost 2 years and as my steady boyfriend of 7 years, our relationship started off immaturely.  We usually fight over things that are so simple.  Usually we fight over text messages and some I don't even recall.  We've had countless fights and make ups, but we always make it a point that we talk about the issue at hand and make a compromise. 


Communication

This is one key in getting the intimacy process started.  Talking and conversing with my husband makes us feel connected.  Our daily conversations has helped us know what each other wants and needs.  From there, we work things out in providing each others needs, meet each others expectations. 


Bonding

Another key to a good marital intimacy is to share things you enjoy doing together.  We usually bond in our own room. No, it's not just sex we are talking about here, but the time we spend in the room just talking, cuddling, reading books we both love.  Even enjoying taking turn in sitting in front of our personal computer just to login to Facebook and play Cafe world and Farmville is already bonding for us!  We also bond through eating. Believe it or not guys but we do well in this.  Sharing the things we love to do in common can be a form of bonding and hence being intimate with each other.


Prayer

My husband is not the prayerful type of man.  But through talks and explanations we were able get to being a Christ centered marriage.  I always pray to God for my husband to be what God wanted him to be.  I also pray for myself to what God wanted me to be for my husband.  Having said this, we are giving God the wheels, the captain's seat of our married lives.  I belive that through Christ, He will guide us to the path where everything will work out fine, come what may.


Intimacy my friends takes a lot of work.   A lot of marriages fail because they lack intimacy and the lack of effort to achieve such.  My advice is, take the courage to change, go out of your comfort zones.  After all intimacy is all about sharing each other!

Fitness Myth Busters Countdown

     Let's take a quick break from being oblivious to "love" and let's talk about fitness and health.  I admit that I am fat and has tried several attempts on lowering my weight and achieve a slim body, but all efforts are in vain!

     My brother is a Physical Therapist and a fitness instructor.  He adviced me to exercise and at the same time have the discipline to eat what is only enough and appropriate.  Let me share my brother's article about myths we've known to be true in exercising.

(courtesy of Marvi Pempeña published at PAL 360)

     With the recent fitness promotions in offices, clubs and malls, I knoticed just how much  we are thrilled to take part and start to live towards a helthier us.

     The science of working out however, doe not run by mere instinct neither must we believe in hear-says regarding what is best for out fitness goals.  That being said, a complete physical examination is paramount to help us achieve the body we want and more importantly avoid musculoskeletal mishaps.

    As a licensed Physical Therapist,  I have personally witnessed several errors and have heard multitudes of distorted beliefs.  Here are the top 3 myths:

Myth 3:  The SHE HULK
     If you are female and would want to slim down and tone up, cardiovascular exercise such  as running or brisk walking, or even cycling is not enough for you to burn the extra calories you want to lose.

     It is strongly recommended that you lift LIGHT WEIGHTS with HIGH REPETITIONS.  Muscles consume more calories than any other organ in the body, and therefore, increasing muscle mass, increases the caloric consumption, and hence, burning more FAT.

     The female body does not produce a large amount of Testosterone, a hormone responsible for muscular growth (a hormone largely seen in men) and for that reason, lifting weights will not turn you into another "female weight lifter"- unless of course that is your goal.  If it is, you would be requiring a different fitness program and bombard yourself with several supplements to achieve this.

Myth 2:  BALLISTIC STRETCHING
     This term refers to the bouncing movement sone when stretching a particular muscle, most prominently observed when stretching the hamstrings.  The hamstrings are group of muscles located behind the thighs.

     Ballistic stretching initiates a reflex arc causing the muscle to contract (shorten) in the response to a sudden stretch.  As the term implies, the goal of STRETCHING is to increase muscle flexibility.  A ballistic way of stretching is therefore contradictory to its goal and moreover, may cause muscle tears or muscle strains.

     To avoid injury and increase flexibility, we recommend PROLONGED STRETCHING.  That is to say, that you stretch a mucle, hotl it for 15-30 seconds and repeat for 3-5 times.

MYTH 1: NO PAIN, NO GAIN

     This is by far the WORST and the most common concept of working out I have ever heard of!  Everybody knows that the presence of pain denotes the presence of injury.  Pain while working out, must NEVER be tolerated.  Who would want a Slipped Disk, a Patellar Tendinitis (Jumper's knee) or a Shoulder Dislocation?

      If you experience pain in any part of your body while working out, immediately discontinue and consult your fitness instructor or your physician.

     We also have what we call DOMS (Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness) which is usually felt a day or two after a strenuous program.  This is Normal and is due to the build up of lactic acid in your muscles.  When you encounter this, it is best that you rest for about one or two days and then resume to your usual program, starting out with lesser intensity (less weights or slower speeds) and work your way up for progression. 

     Remember that working out is a great way to a helthier life and your goal can be achieved if you do it PATIENTLY, PAIN FREE and the RIGHT WAY.  Stay healthy!

Healings from a Wheelchair

"Get up, pick up your mat that once carried you."



I attended mass yesterday and was seated near a post and cannot see the priest. Luckily there are a lot of LED tv's mounted on the wall, cameras all focused at the altar so I can still see the altar. I can now participate and listen as the priest delivers his homily about miracles.

He was sharing his experience when Fr. Suarez, a healing priest performed a healing mass at the Trinoma chapel last Saturday January 16, 2010 who has healed hundreds who went. Bringing all hopes of being healed by him.

There was one experience he mentioned that struck me the most. He saw a boy of not more than 16 years old with his father and his grandfather, both in a wheelchair. Both patients have heart failure, both hoping to be healed. They waited patiently in line from 2pm until the healing mass began at 4pm. He went over to them and asked the boy where they lived and the boy answered, they are from Marikina. So he thought that they left home early before lunch so they can attend the healing mass. He asked again if they've had lunch or if he felt tired of standing in line and not eating a single food to replenish his energy. The boy answered, "ito po ang sakripisyo na maibibigay ko para sa tatay ko at sa lolo ko" ("this is the only sacrifice I can offer my father and grandfather").

What great love!

When I heard his story, I had a teary eye as I reflect on the homily. Often times we always think of ourselves when we attend the healing mass. Asking God to perform miracles on me. But when I heard this boy's sacrifice for his father and grandfather. It made me think how selfish I am to just think of myself.

Listening to the priest's reflection on this situation, he said that very often we let the illness carry us. We can't do this, we can't do that. But what Jesus did to the paralytic he said, "Rise, pick up your mat and go home. Your sins are forgiven." The priest read a quote from an author, whom I can't remember. He said that this author has beutifully interpreted what Jesus was trying to say to the paralytic. "Get up, pick up your mat that once carried you." In this quote he connected the boy's sacrifice for his father. He offered himself to carry them. He said that it was the boy and his love that healed his father and his grandfather.

So selfless, so much love.

I am healed from my selfishness. 

To the boy who made me realize this, thank you.




 

Do We Really Fall Out of Love?

A friend of mine asked the same question. Do we really fall out of love?

In my last blog I said that Love is a decision. It's not just a feeling, but a decision, a promise, a commitment to be with your partner through thick or thin. So why do we experience or say this falling out of love thing?

Normally we start with falling in love. We don't notice it but we suddenly feel that we like a person. Then gradually we now decide if we want to pursue that feeling of elation. But what if we get to the point of exhaustion from the pressures of being in a romantic relationship? Can we say that we have fallen out of love for our partners? I say yes partly, we may feel less intensity of love, less overwhelmed, less feeling of elation for our partners. Since love is one part feeling and the other part is decision.

I agree partly with the expression of falling out of love, but it is a matter of choice. I said before that love is not just a feeling but partly you also decide on love itself. But whatever we have decided on will be executed in action.

Life is all about making choices. We take risks when we choose. It is a choice when we decide on the feeling of falling out of love. But does falling out of love meaning hating the person? I suggest you evaluate yourself if you are not sure whether you have fallen out of love or just overwhelmed with the pressures of your current situation.


 

Love is not just a Feeling

What is love?

Some may say that love is a strong feeling of liking for a person or an individual.

I recall one of the talks I heard from the youth group I joined in my teen years. Love is not just plain feelings, it's a decision. When I was there sitting and thinking what it meant I thought, how can love be a decision? Isn't it a feeling? Some guys would say, "Can you feel my love for you?" So how can it be a decision? Something you include your brains and reasoning with. For sure you can feel love emotionally. But I learned that Love is a commitment. A promise.

Love as a commitment and a promise.

When I first heard this, I did not understand it yet since I was of course thinking that I needed to experience love first hand before I can say that I fully understand the concept. When I met my husband I did not really experience the overwhelming feeling of love. But as time goes by I began to like him. Little by little I began to see his efforts, his care, his thoughtfulness and his concern for me. He never misses to say I love you. When you say the words "I love you" it is making a promise or making a commitment to that person that whatever happens, whatever the person's status is you will still love the person for who they are, no matter what. My hubby and I went steady for 7 years before we tied the knot. In that 7 long years, we have seen and learned our difference in attitudes, likes and dislikes. Sure there were a lot of arguments and issues. And it leads us to think of breaking up, but we can't do it! When we first felt and realized that we love each other, we promised that whatever happens, we will make the relationship work for both of us.

Making a commitment does not expect us to be perfect. But at least we try to achieve what we have promised. I have decided to love my husband when I first said "yes" when he asked if I love him too when he was courting me. It's still the same answer that I gave him when I answered the priest's question when we tied the knot. And it still is my answer if somebody would ask me now.

Loving is a promise to commit yourself to the person you love with all the imperfections we see. Love is a promise to always try your best to make that commitment happen.

Love is a decision.