Intimacy

What is Intimacy?

What comes into mind when you hear intimacy?  A romantic date? Dinner by candle light?  A walk by the beach at sunset?  A very warm conversation?  Sex?  The answer can be all of the above.  


I define intimacy as physical, emotional and spiritual connection between my partner and me.  It doesn't always have to be physical to be able to connect to ones partner.  It's not just in mere sex that you can feel the connection.  A touch or perhaps a hug on your partner can sometimes make him feel secure and at ease.  A conversation of how ones day can make the other feel your concern.


Over the years that I am with my husband of almost 2 years and as my steady boyfriend of 7 years, our relationship started off immaturely.  We usually fight over things that are so simple.  Usually we fight over text messages and some I don't even recall.  We've had countless fights and make ups, but we always make it a point that we talk about the issue at hand and make a compromise. 


Communication

This is one key in getting the intimacy process started.  Talking and conversing with my husband makes us feel connected.  Our daily conversations has helped us know what each other wants and needs.  From there, we work things out in providing each others needs, meet each others expectations. 


Bonding

Another key to a good marital intimacy is to share things you enjoy doing together.  We usually bond in our own room. No, it's not just sex we are talking about here, but the time we spend in the room just talking, cuddling, reading books we both love.  Even enjoying taking turn in sitting in front of our personal computer just to login to Facebook and play Cafe world and Farmville is already bonding for us!  We also bond through eating. Believe it or not guys but we do well in this.  Sharing the things we love to do in common can be a form of bonding and hence being intimate with each other.


Prayer

My husband is not the prayerful type of man.  But through talks and explanations we were able get to being a Christ centered marriage.  I always pray to God for my husband to be what God wanted him to be.  I also pray for myself to what God wanted me to be for my husband.  Having said this, we are giving God the wheels, the captain's seat of our married lives.  I belive that through Christ, He will guide us to the path where everything will work out fine, come what may.


Intimacy my friends takes a lot of work.   A lot of marriages fail because they lack intimacy and the lack of effort to achieve such.  My advice is, take the courage to change, go out of your comfort zones.  After all intimacy is all about sharing each other!

Love is not just a Feeling

What is love?

Some may say that love is a strong feeling of liking for a person or an individual.

I recall one of the talks I heard from the youth group I joined in my teen years. Love is not just plain feelings, it's a decision. When I was there sitting and thinking what it meant I thought, how can love be a decision? Isn't it a feeling? Some guys would say, "Can you feel my love for you?" So how can it be a decision? Something you include your brains and reasoning with. For sure you can feel love emotionally. But I learned that Love is a commitment. A promise.

Love as a commitment and a promise.

When I first heard this, I did not understand it yet since I was of course thinking that I needed to experience love first hand before I can say that I fully understand the concept. When I met my husband I did not really experience the overwhelming feeling of love. But as time goes by I began to like him. Little by little I began to see his efforts, his care, his thoughtfulness and his concern for me. He never misses to say I love you. When you say the words "I love you" it is making a promise or making a commitment to that person that whatever happens, whatever the person's status is you will still love the person for who they are, no matter what. My hubby and I went steady for 7 years before we tied the knot. In that 7 long years, we have seen and learned our difference in attitudes, likes and dislikes. Sure there were a lot of arguments and issues. And it leads us to think of breaking up, but we can't do it! When we first felt and realized that we love each other, we promised that whatever happens, we will make the relationship work for both of us.

Making a commitment does not expect us to be perfect. But at least we try to achieve what we have promised. I have decided to love my husband when I first said "yes" when he asked if I love him too when he was courting me. It's still the same answer that I gave him when I answered the priest's question when we tied the knot. And it still is my answer if somebody would ask me now.

Loving is a promise to commit yourself to the person you love with all the imperfections we see. Love is a promise to always try your best to make that commitment happen.

Love is a decision.